fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. i hate you. i fucking hate you. i wish this never happened. screw those "good moments." they were few and far in between. i hate you and i hate your friends.

You used to care about what I had to say, or perhaps you were lying then?

Thank you, no really, thanks for ignoring your own girlfriend when she didn't even do anything. Thanks, asshole.

It's really embarrassing how I let you get to me. Please go away, please, please, please. I never want to see you. Please, just do me a favor and leave.

We're drifting apart and it hurts but I feel like this is the only way to end it. I'd rather it be this than an awkward confession with some lies mixed in. I'll still look for you in the halls, but I can't think about you all the time anymore, it's too draining. I don't regret one second I spent with you, please know that. I really hope you felt the same for me as I did for you.

I'm sad because I got a 2 on my ap art exam

:((((((((((((((((((((((((((

God I'm desperate to fuck.

I'm tired and I miss him. Again. Fuck.

My friends left me, so now I'm really alone. I don't know how to handle this. I'm falling apart.

shitshitshit what if he's done with me because i already fucked him?

i know i probably went way too fast but i'm so horny goddammit

I have been lusted after, but never loved.

I feel hollow. I'm waiting for you to come fill the space. Please, get here quickly. 

I know you said "casual" but...

I lost my virginity yesterday to Jo Matressini.

4

We decided to be in a "middle ground," where I guess we could get back together, maybe? I don't know how I feel about this. I should figure this out.

If I didn't break up with him:

he'd still go to prom with her
i would still be insecure about him with other girls
maybe i would have talked to him about our relationship
we would have worked it out (?)
i wouldn't have gone to prom (?)

other things:
i start having an anxiety attack when he shows how protective of her she is (I don't know what this means-jealousy? maybe)
he acts sort of condescending some times
sometimes he doesn't get sarcasm
he suggested a friends with benefits thing during the summer...but he said i wasn't a fuck buddy. but he also said he did like me. past tense, not present.
i want to make him jealous...and i want to hurt him, just a little.
i need a prom date.
i need to hook up with jo and smoke hookah and forget all this shit.
i really hope that i'll forget about this. this isn't good for me. i need to focus on school.
adele's music is really good for every occasion involving a relationship.
i hate him. but i like him. but i hate him for doing this to me.
i want hook ups.
i hate how much control he has in this...it frustrates me. i'm usually in control.
his best friend pisses me off a little.
too much is up to chance. but i can't change anything.
i'm glad i didn't have sex with him.
i hope i learn from this/gain experience/learn to appreciate good guys.
i really want to go to prom :(

Today

Today there were two memorable events that occurred:

1) My art teacher, Jennifer Smith, asked me to edit at least 10 photos that I had already edited before. It was not the request that ticked me off, it was her bitchy, "do it because I'm better" tone.
You need to get that baby out of you, like right now. Seriously, you're pissing everybody off.

2) I gave a blow job to this guy I'm seeing/talking to/dating/hooking up with. Apparently I was pretty good considering he came in a couple of minutes. I always thought it would be difficult giving a blow job, but it's not (I just need to get rid of my gag reflex so i can deep throat). Also, cum tastes a bit salty.

3

Fucking hell, sometimes the art department is just as stupid as every other part of the school or the entire school system. Dammit, you asked us to choose our four BEST pieces and that's what i did. I'm damn proud of those pieces and I don't really give a fuck that they're not from fucking observation. SOMETIMES GOOD ART WORK ISN'T FROM OBSERVATION YOU BORING PIECES OF SHIT.
Even if you don't think they're our best, don't you think that's more our decision if we want to submit them or not? Honestly, it's pretty insulting because we worked our asses off on those pieces and you're just knocking them down like nothing.

Fuck off, assholes.

2

My feet are cold and my life is messy.

1

Fuck you Michael Blackman.

 Stop abusing your power and yelling at me and my friends for just wanting to look in the auditorium. Just fuck you. You're an asshole. I hope you get food poisoning from a badly cooked steak.